Monday, December 7, 2009

How many sheeps can I count so that I can fall asleep...

For the past couple of nights I been having trouble sleeping..Insomnia? could be. Fear? Maybe. Tired? Yes, of the world. I think i been swimming in a pool of insecurities (and btw I cant swim). I figure having someone next to me ( my fiancée) would calm me, I would feel secure. However, as he sleeps , I'm wide awake. I'm not blaming him or holding anything against him. I am here stating that I need to feel comfortable with my own skin and initiate my own calmness and security.....Another night has come and I am up. Its near 2 am and sleep doesn't seem like my best friend at this time. All I can do is try to swim out of this pool of fears and negativity. But I know this is another night where I will drown once again.....

I admit I have trouble sleeping at nights...I guess the little kid in me is still scare of this dark world

I admit I wish the scary monsters under my bed would come out and show their face, because for so long they been hiding their real hideous appearance under pretty masks.

I admit that makes me not trust people.

I admit the thunder outside my window is not as loud as the noises in my head; these insecurities are blasting music in my eardrums.

I admit I am cold even if I have my favorite blanket covering me. Something is pulling my feet, something is creeping from the foot of my bed.Something isn't right. Maybe its just me.

I admit it will be another sleepless night. My body, my mind, and my spirit are all tired but eyelids wont close. They are stitched open, forever looking out to reality.I'm gonna rest my head on his chest, and hope love can sing me a lullaby till I fall asleep.

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